I went to Sea World with my family. When we got there my dad went to go rent a wheelchair for my mom, while my mom, my sister, and I found seats for the Shamu show. It felt like I was a whale while I watched Shamu leap out of the water. It was a really good show, and my mom asks me, "Do you want to come back for the Shamu Special?" and I said "Yes." When it was over we went to a seal and walrus show. It was funny when they released and found out what Surlaw was at the end. Tomorrow we’re going to the teaser. After the show, we went to see the Clydesdales. As I pet one it seemed as if I was a horse. The next day was really fun. I wish I could go back soon.
The End
[ I do not feel that this is really a huge turning point in my writing capabilities, however, it represents the start of the bigger journey of my life. This trip to Sea World was the begining of my dreams to become a Marine Biologist. Though the main reason for this sample making the cut has nothing to do with the writing ability, I do develop some key strengths that I have found useful in later writing, I started explaining how I was feeling at the time this happened. While I watched Shamu, I felt like a whale (though I did, of course, mean dolphin:) ) and while I pet the Clydesdales, I felt like a horse. From this point, the skill definitely required a lot of tuning, but it had to start somewhere and that somewhere is here.]
4 comments:
I love how you describe how you feel like different animals.
I really liked it. You brought back memories of the great times we had when I took my kids to Marine World years ago.
You give the reader a sense of what it is like for you. Good descriptions.
A comment from my friend Viji who does not have a Google account:
"It brings back memories for me of the good times that we had as a family at sea world. "
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